I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
