He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
