well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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