you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
