my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
this is an emotional support booty call
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
