Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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