He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
