I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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