why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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