do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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