let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
