So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
