I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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