did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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