Can Purell be used as lube?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
