I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize