if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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