and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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