Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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