I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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