I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
