my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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