I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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