i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
