he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
