Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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