I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
