Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You are the jesus of drinking
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
