he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
