apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
