you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize