The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
