What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
