He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
