I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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