we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
