Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
