so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
