3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
