big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize