You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
