one might say we're banned from that church
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
