everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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