im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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