States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
