Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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