He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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