East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
