So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
