I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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