does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
