I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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