I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
