foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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