Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
