He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
