Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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