I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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