Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
