wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
