That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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