the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
