i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
