My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
