i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize