So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
